"Vulnerability is not weakness," writes Brown. In fact, "Vulnerability is the the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences." Without vulnerability, there can be no love, there can be no achievement, there can be no greatness. Unfortunately, instead of developing skills of vulnerability, we too frequently develop armoring techniques. We spend all our energy avoiding getting hurt, avoiding shame. But there's no surer way to not feel loved, not feel connected, not be fulfilled, than to practice the avoidance of vulnerability.Brown is a vulnerability researcher. She sees vulnerability as the prerequisite to living what she calls the "Wholehearted life." The Wholehearted life is one of deep attachment to others, our environment, and our work. It's a life of being "really there," of being willing to fail. No one can avoid being actually vulnerable. We all are vulnerable every moment of our lives -though some times more than others. But if we run from it, we lose.
Here's how she breaks it down:
1. Love and belonging is an irreducible need. We all need it.
2. Those who feel a deep sense of love and belonging... feel loveable. They believe they are worthy of being loved.
3. A strong belief in our worthiness doesn't just happen. It must be cultivated.
4. The main concern of Wholehearted men and women is living a life defined by courage, compassion, and connection.
3. The Wholehearted identify vulnerability as the catalyst for courage, compassion, and connection. The willingness to be vulnerable is the single most important factor shared among the Wholehearted.
It comes down to this: If we don't embrace vulnerability, we are destined to live a lonely, detached, unfulfilling life. But if we learn to embrace it in the right way, we can live a life of joy and connection. The crux is to understand that we are worthy of love. From the standpoint of this sense of worthiness, we are then able to open ourselves to one another and to the work that is before us.
A look at the table of contents gives a clearer picture of the argument of Daring Greatly:
What It Means to Dare Greatly
Introduction: My Adventures in the Arena
1. Scarcity: Looking Inside Our Culture of "Never Enough"
2. Debunking the Vulnerability Myths
3. Understanding and Combatting Shame
4. The Vulnerability Armory
5. Mind the Gap: Cultivating Change and Closing the Disengagement Divide
6. Disruptive Engagement: Daring to Rehumanize Education and Work
7. Wholehearted Parenting: Daring to Be the Adults We Want Our Children to Be
Final Thoughts
Appendix -Trust in Emergence: Grounded Theory and My Research Process
Practicing Gratitude
Daring Greatly doesn't focus on the area of love and relationships, but it offers invaluable tools for deepening our love partnerships. For going deeper into vulnerability in the context of a romantic relationship, check out The Couple's Survival Workbook: What You Can Do To Reconnect With Your Partner and Make Your Marriage Work by Olsen and Stephens. More generally, if you're interested in Browne's concept of Wholehearted living -the contextual framework of Daring Greatly -check out The Gifts of Imperfection.
Daring Greatly is highly recommended as a primer for those who wish to step into the place they truly belong -it's a place prepared for each person, but it has to be worked for. It's not altogether easy, but it's deeply relieving to understand that this essential skill is not about simply stepping out under a hail of deadly arrows. It's about leaving behind lonely and fearful self-interest, having courage that deeper connection eagerly awaits us.
I was able to obtain an advance copy of Daring Greatly, and have also read Dr. Brown's other two books and her clinical curriculum. Daring Greatly is, I think, her strongest work to-date. It breaks down the core elements of vulnerability (which is NOT weakness), and how allowing ourselves to be open and vulnerable opens us to levels of creativity, connection, and joy that we would never otherwise be able to find. It also covers her earlier works on shame and how shame (which all of us have, and the less we talk about it, the more we have it) impacts our ability to be open and vulnerable, but also how it can numb us and prevent us from being able to experience emotion fully. Daring Greatly (and all of Dr. Brown's work) is based entirely on her academic research; she states in the book that she is not comfortable talking about topics unless backed by solid research, and that's a refreshing change from most other authors in the self-help/pop psychology field.
The book has appeal to multiple audiences; there are sections relating to vulnerability in the workplace, in relationships, in art, expression, and creativity, and, perhaps most importantly for many of us, in raising our children. Each chapter of the book builds on earlier chapters and makes a strong case for taking steps to be more open and vulnerable ourselves. It also speaks to the impact of numbing (the opposite of vulnerability) in popular culture, and the effect of social media, reality television, and other external influences on our self-numbing behaviors.
One of the reasons the book speaks to me so strongly is the openness and vulnerability with which Dr. Brown speaks of her own experiences. She's clear in describing herself as "a great mapmaker and a stumbling traveler" and I think it the descriptions of her own struggles with vulnerability that make the book so accessible and relatable.
While not a "how-to" book, Daring Greatly clearly describes the problems that shame and lack of vulnerability create, and how they come about, so that we can work to adapt our behaviors and learn to live more fully, vulnerability, and wholeheartedly.
Finally, for the scientific minded, Dr. Brown has included a lengthy and detailed appendix in which she describes her research methodology and the fundamentals of Grounded Theory research, the most rigorous and complicated of the qualitative research protocols. It's pretty technical, but if anyone has questions about the methodology, rigor, or valildity of the research upon which her books are based should find ample detail and explanation.
I have no financial or other ties Dr. Brown or her work, but I am passionate in believing that her work in shame resilience and vulnerability could make an enormous difference to society if it were more widely discussed.Dr. Brene Brown has done it again! She has an incredible ability to take these very complex emotions like shame and vulnerability and shine a light on them from every direction to really understand the various ways they affect our relationships and our lives. And then she is able to distill them down to the poignant perspectives that really help to internalize the issues. Here are a couple on vulnerability that really helped me:
I'm drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine
Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me
And as with her previous work, her comfortable writing style and personal anecdotes make this an enjoyable read, despite the sensitive subject matter. From the very first chapter you really will begin to change the way you approach your daily life.I "read"/listen to my books in the car during my commute to and from work in audiobook form. I was really excited about this book after seeing Brene Brown's TED talk and reading a bit about her. The book seems to be written pretty well, but this review is about the narrator Karen White and Gotham Books the recording studio.
The narrators voice in the audio version is extremely weird. There are a couple things that just make it so I can't stand listening to this audiobook (and I tried over a couple days in the car).
1. The quality of the recording is off. The narrator sounds like her mouth is right up against the microphone because the sound is compressed so much. It's not a natural recording at all.
2. The narrator herself uses the strangest inflection and meter I've ever heard on any audio book. She empasizes words at really unnatural places in the sentences and uses an inflection that made me question whether it was just a computer reading to me or an actual human. Imagine if you were to take a natural human voice and then use auto-tune to make it weird and funny. This is what it sounds like, hour after hour.
I made it part way through the book but was having such a hard time listening to it I had to stop and am returning this to Amazon. I'll just have to find another of Brene's books that are narrated by a different person or produced by a different studio because the combination of these two things makes the book to difficult to listen to for me.I am a recovering perfectionist. I have learned, since a child, to receive validation and my worth based on how others perceived me. I've always made excuses for it throughout my life, but Brene Brown slapped me in the face with this book and makes me want to be a more authentic and honest person. She gives you the understanding of how to develop your own self-worth and how important it is in order to live a beautiful life, and have beautiful relationships. She is inspiring b/c she struggles with the same thing, and that makes me feel understood. My favorite part of this book is how she defines so many of our emotions. This helps me understand mine and helps me walk my children through understanding their emotions. One of the greatest self-help books I've ever read!!!
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